“Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not.”
Reading and meditating on this verse convicts me deeply on something I’ve ignored for weeks on end. This sinful attitude and motivation has always been a crux for me on my lack of true humility and it’s one of my traits that largely shape my behavior; and it is this: receiving praise. It’s not that I receive recognition that’s the sin, but the active seeking out for it; the hunger, the desire for compliments and renown. This is the main reason why I act respectfully towards people, why I follow leadership and try to be a good leader, why I behave well, why I show love and kindness towards people, why I do the best job that I can. All these things within themselves aren’t bad, they are actually good and biblical; but they are all tainted by my deceitful intention to receive praise.
Just thinking about writing this makes me sick, for I know I will get compliments for how “honest and genuine” I am by writing this. It makes me cringe in frustration, for a part of me looks forward to receiving such praise. It’s one of the Pharisaic woes that Jesus pronounced for their desire for attention from the people. I’m the Pharisee in the front of the altar that prays to himself, while I should be the tax collector, not even looking towards the heavens, asking God for mercy on my men-pleasing, compliment seeking, fleshly sinful heart.
I don’t even know where to start from here, for I always have the hope of what other people even good Christians, think about me. It pollutes almost every Christian service and show of character; I even try to be consistent when people aren’t around so I feel better. Even if I somehow get the desire not to be recognized out of my flesh, I will probably boast about it within my mind. I’, supposed to be genuine and obedient for my Master, and I shouldn’t even desire for praise from Him. Why can’t I follow Jesus’ commandments for His praise alone, and not to be thanked or praise for it? I should genuinely see myself as a lowly servant who’s only will is to do what the Master wills.
Application: Again, I don’t know where to start, for it’s a deeply habitual and powerful thing for me. Could I just do God’s will for no thanks at all, not even from Him? That sounds good on paper, but it seems impossible for me practically. I can’t let this paralyze me though, for God still uses my actions for His glory, though they’re deeply polluted like dirty rags. It makes me question on how few of the “good works” I’ve done aren’t hay and stubble that fail the test as they go through the fire. I’m just thankful for the cross right now, and I pray that this habitual desire won’t get in the way too much for God to accomplish His will through me.
O God, circumcise my recognition seeking heart, that I might not sin against You. It’s impossible with men, but with You, O God, all things are possible. Forgive me and cleanse me, and give me a clean heart. Amen
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